Tonight, as prayer service at my church was about to end, I looked up at the candle in the middle of our small circle of prayer. That candle represents me.
The candle is beautiful; it is white–apparently left from a wedding the church had some time ago. The outside is decorated beautifully with pearl-like outlines of greenery and such. It sat on a short glass foundation and a lantern-type glass encasement had been added. The candle was tall–about ten inches–and, even though I know we’d used it before, it didn’t seem very used at all. Rather, it seemed almost as new as the last/first time we used it.
I didn’t mean to look at the candle, but it caught my eye. It wasn’t more than a couple of feet from me and I noticed the small amount of cloudiness that had developed around the top couple inches of the encasement, right where the flame happened to be burning. The flame was still emitting light to the five of us around it, but the light wasn’t nearly as bright as it could have been; the foggy glass was slightly inhibitory to the light behind it.
The takeaway from this image is two-fold: first, the candle; second, its light.
The candle is exquisitely designed, as are the people of God’s creation. Specifically and personally: I’ve been working on trying to remember this about myself. I self-deprecate. Often. Regularly. And it makes me sick. Yet, it’s a difficult habit to break. One fear is that I’ll become or appear to become arrogant. People don’t like friends with arrogant attitudes. And, dang it, I want friends; I want to be well thought of. Yet, part of my fear with cutting this habit is that others will think that I have the inkling that I’m more important, perfect or holy than they are. Secondly, I have developed this theory that self-deprecating is a good way to let others know that I’m not judging them. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. This could have people thinking that I’m condoning their mistakes, when I’m really trying to let them know they are not alone in their struggles to live a Godly life. Also, this act causes me to dwell on my faults instead of dwelling on God’s grace and forgiveness. You see, we’re so wonderfully made and exquisitely designed! Beautiful!
The candle’s light was perfectly shaped–perfectly representative of any typical candle’s light. The problem wasn’t the light, but the encasement. In my case, the light is fine–the Truth of God is within me and I’m sharing it, but my light could be much brighter. The cloudy glass in this scenario: my own inhibitions. These include some of the obvious usual suspects: fear, pride, selfishness. As I was talking to God about some of these issues, I became simply overwhelmed. First, at how many of these crazy issues I felt the need to weed through and, second, at the fact that I am in His hands–hands of mercy, selflessness, and security. There’s no need to hate myself or beat myself up over these problems because God is in control. He’s the purifier of hearts, lover of souls and provider of needs. My efforts to fix myself are futile; His efforts are unstoppable. And once His Hand has touched the glass encasement, the light of Truth can shine freely once more.
Lord, I love you and thank you for your Grace. Help me to see myself as exquisitely as you see me. Work through me and shine, through me, Your light of Truth brighter once more. I long to see with Your eyes and for You to spread Your Love through me. And I pray this in Your Name, continually…