Gobbledygook.  It’s a real word.  Promise.  Look it up.  I’d love to spell it in Scrabble, sometime.

Lately, I’ve been able to find a lot of it in my head.  A mess of junk just sitting there ruining my life, making living difficult.  It has been hiding my true joy and literally giving me headaches.

It boils down to this: Although I have Faith, I don’t always have Trust. 

Let me explain.  Without a doubt, I believe that God is sovereign–that He sent His Son to die for my sins so that I can be blameless before Him.  I have faith that God is all that and more.  I have faith that He is with me right now, and that He loves me.  Yet, I have terrifying moments–or hours, or days, or weeks–when I feel that I can’t trust Him with my future.  I worry.  I fret.  I freak because I can’t see the end of the tunnel.  I have not the slightest clue how the heck these things I’m facing are going to turn out.  And that terrifies me.  I have great faith; my trust in Him lacks, sometimes.  Maybe I’m stretching things a bit; I’m not sure.

To be fair, there have been more moments during which I have felt complete and utter trust in my Savior’s plans for my future.  In fact, I’ve had such peace that I was amazed.  And I’m sure some of this recent struggle has been due to the fact that I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. 

Tonight, at a worship service I attended, someone read the verse that speaks of God providing for the birds of the air.  A good reminder.  And my friend sitting next to me nudged me, knowing a bit of what I have been struggling with. 

And, on the way home I had a little talk with Jesus.  A little “adjustment,” as the speaker shared.  So, here’s my new mantra (my old one was “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”): “He covers my past and covers my present; He’s got my future covered, too!”

And there we have it.