My dear friend, Melinda, is disgusted by soggy bread. Granted: soggy bread isn’t quite a delight. When bread softens because of the lettuce from your sandwich, a less than ideal situation is presented at lunch time. For Melinda, though, the soggy bread issue is a bigger deal than it is for most. At communion, she barely dips into the blood of Christ. She usually doesn’t eat chili dogs when we go to Skyline or Gold Star (a greater Cincinnati favorite) because the chili makes the hot dog buns soggy before she can finish eating them. It makes sense. And I’m not intending to poke fun in any way.
Soggy bread is mushy. Mostly, we don’t like mushy food on a regular basis.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like mush. (Not the kind of mush dog sleigh drivers use to hurry along the little doggies.) My eyes are fountains–and, therefore, my nose. I am jelatonous and vulnerable. Not overly sensitive: let me be clear. If you poke fun at me, I’m probably going to be okay. Ha. I’m just a gob of mush.
First of all, I’m in love. It took me quite a while to get here and I’m glad because this state of being is very special and real and sincere and makes me want to fly or swim or figure out what I can do in the middle of flying and swimming and causes me to hope for all those around me to find romantic love–not just in a significant other, but also in God–and I’m twitter pated and scared and giddy and sad and blessed and tortured and rational and irrational. It’s beautiful really. It’s a beautiful vulnerability that I feel. I couldn’t have even begun to feel this love if it hadn’t been for God working inside me–making me take those tentative steps toward vulnerability. I’m going to marry the object of my affection on June 12, 2010. That’s right, he proposed and I melted. Tears. So, yeah, mush.
Along with that, a friend of mine is moving far far away next week–well, this week by the time this blog posts. I’ve been in denial, but it hit me tonight. I’ll see her again; I know I will. But it’s still sad. Mush!
And of course, there’s money. Well, there’s no money. Exactly. Um, I’ve been on a super-tight budget these last two months and I’m less than a week away from everything being back to normal–if all goes as planned. These last two months of extra penny-pinching have been both exhilarating and stressful. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I press on: mush!
And I’ve really been thinking a lot, lately, about how very blessed I am to have met so many unbelievably amazing and fabulous and heart-fillingly beautiful women of God over the course of the last two years. They have truly shown me what it looks like to be a Godly woman. These women are lovingly accepting of others. Ann is tender-hearted and loving; Jenny is helpful, considerate and loving; Kathy is a prayer warrior and loving; Joy is happy, friendly, and loving; Melinda is an amazing mother and loves others with a Christ-given love. I’m positive that Christ sent me to CUMC so that I could see and learn and grow and be prepared to serve Him the way these women so faithfully do. How on His green (and sometimes gray) earth could I have ever been made ready for the next phase in my life without these amazing women?
Because of this Great Love and these sad times and these stressful situations and this time of amazing preparation, I feel like soggy bread.
Except:
I want to soak up MORE of Christ! I want to be responsive to the lessons He’s trying to teach me; I want to practice tender-heartedness, helpfulness, consideraion, prayer warrioring, happiness, friendliness, and love for others. I want to gather all of the nutrients He’s trying to shoot into me. I don’t want to miss a bit. I’ll be soggy; I’ll start carrying round a tissue box if I have to (somebody! invest in Puffs!). I’ll invest in water-proof mascara. I’ll cry myself to sleep. I’ll cry at the foot of the cross. I’ll rock myself in my chair. I’ll let others hold me. It will be the most wonderful time of my walk with Christ so far. Oh, how I love His prevenient grace.
By the time this is all over, I’ll be like the frosted min-wheats you didn’t finish eating the other morning. There will be no milk and the mini-wheats will be unedibly soggy. Mush!