I’ve been thinking a lot lately, as you may know, about church, God, life, my past, the future, the present– I guess you could say everything.
When is the last time I really loved on Christ? When is the last time I’ve really let Christ love on me?
These are terrifying questions for me. The last time I remember loving on Christ in a way that changed me– in a way that rocked my world– was the first year we had VBS. Jada. I don’t think I can ever forget her. She wallered in my lap constantly and I think she must have had a type of autism. She knew some sign language and so did I. For the first time in years, her parents were able to go out to dinner on their own that week. They didn’t have the kids and they didn’t have to worry about her. Through Christ’s love, I was an enabler. I didn’t talk salvation to them, but, in many encounters with Christ, He didn’t tell the sick and needy about Salvation, either. I just was able to love on Christ by loving on that family. I wonder where they are.
I don’t remember the last time I really allowed Christ to love on me. I’m so proud. I’d like to say that I let Christ love on me when Elsie was in the hospital, but I still feel like I was too worried about Elsie to take care of myself or let anyone else do so.
At any rate, it has been too long since I let Christ love through me in a way that rocks His world. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Love. It’s not about what congregation of which I call myself a member, is it? It’s not about whether someone cut me to the core with their untrust in me, right? Then why do I let that choke me up and hinder me?
I’ve just got to make the decision.
“But the one thing that remained was this: I never questioned if God existed or if He cared. I knew that the Bible was true, that Jesus had died on the cross for my ins. I never questioned if Jesus loved me. The thing I questioned was if I was going to love Him back. He loves me, but is it worth the supposed sacrifices I’ll have to make to follow Him? He loves me, but would I rather ignore that and do my own thing?”